Reaction post-Bubba.

Bubba's burial is one event permanently etched into my memory. I remember refusing to bury him in the first place. After dad forced me to, I couldn't bring myself to place him in the hole I'd dug up. When I finally plucked up the courage to do it, I covered him up, then dug back in, removed him and wouldn't stop holding on to him. This happened another three or four times until my dad started getting mad. Finally, I successfully buried him and returned home. 

That night, I cried terribly on the phone with my boyfriend. He patiently heard everything I had to say about Bubba. I killed him.. I feel extremely guilty.. He was the best turtle ever in the whole wide world..Five short months.. Never IMAGINED I would lose him so fast.. It isn't fair.. He was supposed to grow old with me.. Not able to believe it.. Wasn't even alive for my birthday.. 

The worst part was that his death couldn't have happened at a worse time. It happened the evening before I had two exams. I skipped the first one and somehow managed to do decently well in the second one. This was immediately followed by four more examas, two on each day. I can't lie that it was impossible for me to concentrate on studying, what with my lock screen wallpaper, home screen wallpaper and phone gallery full of his pictures, starting from his arrival at my home to his burial. I'm not going to upload his pictures after his death because it'd seem like I'm publicizing his death, and would just be wrong. Immediately after the exams, I left for Bangalore to attend my cousin's wedding, the same day as my birthday. I slowly recovered over the days, and now I've accepted the fact that he just wasn't meant to live for so long.

I still can't bring myself to remove his picture from my lock screen and home screen wallpapers on my phone. So I see him every time I use my phone. Initially, I used to stare at his pictures and a lump formed in my throat. But now, it's fine. I merely smile and remember the amazing times I had with him in those five months.

I've taken a firm decision not to buy any more turtles until the below provisions have been made:

- A vet who looks at turtles in my vicinity.

- An aquarium with provisions for the turtle to shift from land to water, and vice versa, any time he likes.

- Filter, temperature control and sea weed in the aquarium.

- The ability to be able to feed him different kinds of meat- shrimp, fish, worms etc.

I will probably have to move out of India to have this perfect atmosphere, and I ever do, I'm gonna bring another turtle up and swear that turtle will live to be thirty years old, at least.

R.I.P. Bubba: June 26, 2013-November 24, 2013.

I believe that the title of this blog post will suffice to explain what I'm going to write about. Yes, the unbelievable, the unimaginable, the unthinkable has happened. I lost my first pet ever, my darling red-eared slider turtle, about two weeks ago.
The reason I've waited so long to post about this is that I wasn't able to get myself to write about it, being scared and vulnerable. I'd adopted escapism, convincing myself that I was too busy to write blog posts. But now, I realize that I'm in a place where I can comfortably talk about his death without getting overwhelmed.
So, the burning question: How did this horrific thing happen? I shall describe the set of events that took place roughly fifteen minutes before his death. My dad arrived home from work, and asked for a cup of fresh tea. I remembered Bubba and approached his tank to remove him and put him into his feeding bowl. Yes, it was his feeding time. He was floating on the surface of the water in his tank, occasionally showing some form of movement. I thought to myself, "He's oddly inactive today!", but didn't give it further thought. Since it's the winter here, it's pretty cold, so I thought maybe it's harder for him, him being a cold-blooded animal and what not. This is what I associated his inactivity with.
So, I heated up some water in the microwave. It was barely luke warm, so I thought it'd be okay. When I picked him up from his tank, he went into his usual wriggling mode, and I felt better- yes, he's fine. So I slid him into the luke-warm water in the feeding bowl. He went into a frenzy never seen before. He swam around at such top speed it was difficult to catch him with the eye. He started blowing bubbles from his nose and sort of yawning. I thought he was welcoming the warm water and was happy. So, I went ahead to the kitchen, made tea for dad, poured it into a cup, and went to look at Bubba again.
He had calmed down and was sleeping at the base of the feeding bowl. Or that's what I thought, prima facie. Then, my stomach gave a sudden frightful churn. No, something was wrong. He's too quiet. I prodded him, to no reaction. I picked him up and stroked him. Nothing. This was when his face caught my eye. His eyes were closed shut, his head partially retracted into his shell, and his mouth gaping wide open. Like he was screaming out loud. My fingers trembled, and I burst into uncontrollable tears. I ran to the phone to call my mum, who was in Bangalore. I was crying insanely on the phone, unable to speak a word. She calmed my nerves and told me to check more carefully.
That's when the Google research began. "Signs of dead red-eared slider". "My red-eared slider won't close his mouth"... I tried everything. Bringing his food pellets to his mouth, blowing on his eyes, turning him over to see if he's turn back the right way up (the test never fails- they ALWAYS turn back up). But, alas, he was gone. I informed a few close friends. When all was tried, I went downstairs with dad and buried him under a tree opposite my bulding. 

Me.

This post is a way for me to vent my frustration, disappointment, guilt, anger and sadness out. It's gonna be a depressing read, so either brace yourself for it or don't read it at all.

Being the kind of person I am, it is very difficult for me to express those deep, dark feelings to many people. Some things I don't even tell my mum or my boyfriend, who're literally, the only people I open up to. This is one such thing. I reckon I know why I'm so uncomfortable expressing my feelings openly. It's because I feel weaker and in a position of vulnerability, relative to the person I'm opening up to. The ironic and paradoxical fact that people like me are, often, the most vulnerable and sensitive is not an exception for me, either. I, too, find myself very emotional and in contrast to my usual self (though no one really knows it) sometimes. To this day, I have only cried thrice in front of my mum and once in front of my boyfriend in my adult life. 

It is this weird element within me that acts up and creates an unmovable barrier between me and the people who want to make me feel better. This is the sole reason why I resort to writing when I'm down- be it mental stress, emotional stuff, relationships, anything. Somehow, writing makes me feel better almost every time. The fact that writing gives me a sense of control and moderation over my feelings helps me get through most times. Opening up to an inanimate object (the laptop) somehow convinces me that I can be stronger. I have had moments of intense sharing with the aforementioned people, and they have been enlightening. Even though it's pretty obvious by now, I'd like to state that those intense times would have seemed like any other, light-hearted conversation to the untrained eye. Even in those extremely vulnerable moments, I have failed to reveal to the person how I'm truly feeling. I tend to assume that they just 'get' me. 

Though talking to my mum and/or my boyfriend have been the one reason to keep me going in life (which, off late, hasn't at all been bright. Off late meaning the past 4 years. Yeah, I know.), I am starting to think that these have become mere quick fixes and have made me more sensitive than before. 

I can confidently say I wasn't as emotionally unstable as I am now, four years ago. I wasn't as pathetic a person. As I see myself change over and over again, go through the same shit, the same stress and the same depressing feelings over and over again, I can do nothing but stare at myself. I have thrown away four precious years, four prime years of my youth, which could have been spent exploring life in so many ways and doing so many better things. 

Needless to say, I almost always find that I am idle and have no work on my hands. But when I actually sit down and make a list, I see that I'm lagging behind on so many, many works which should have been started a long time ago, and/or are due in a very short time. Then, the procrastination begins. Telling myself I'm not worthy, I'm not smart enough to achieve my long-term goals, I don't deserve any better, it's probably too late now anyway.. the list goes on. And I'm idle again. It's a vicious cycle.

I know this post is highly unstructured but considering my life right now, I couldn't structure my thoughts any better. I just hope that some miracle would transform me into the person I always wish I could be.

  

Bubba!

Sooo I was studying and all of a sudden, I thought; "Why haven't I blogged about Bubba yet?!" You wonder who Bubba is. He's my sweetheart, my honey-boo, my "best bud", my cutie-pie.. Oh, the list goes on! Before you think I'm one of those lovey-dovey weirdos, Bubba is my pet turtle :D Yes, and he is my honey-boo.I got him because I used to love playing with my friend's two turts, and I simply love him! He's a red-eared slider, a common breed of turtles people have as pets. I've had him for nearly four months now (He was lesser than two inches long when I first got him!), and every day with him has been simply amazing! The endless hours debating what name I would give him, the anticipation of bringing him to a new home, the nervousness of whether he would like his new family, the anxiousness when he wouldn't eat the first few days, the sheer joy when I first saw him jump up in his tank and gobble his food down! .. they'll always stay with me.Bubba is about 9-10 months old now, and my!, has he grown since I got him! He lives in a nice big tank in which swims around all day. He comes up to breathe every now and then, sticking his cute little head out of the water so only his nose and eyes are visible. I've also grown a labyrinth of common plants in a big tub (mustard greens, carrot, methi and such) so he can have a playground to run about in. I feed him in a separate basic bowl because it can get really messy (And he wouldn't admit this, but it gets STINKY!) if you feed them in their living area. He basks under the sun every morning and late into the afternoons sometimes and seems to really love getting the heat. I look at him for hours at end, observing his every move carefully (No, it doesn't creep him out). Sometimes I feel that people who don't have pets underestimate just how elated and ecstatic a pet can make you feel. When you start caring for your pet like he's one of your own, that's when you realize how much you would miss him if something happened to him. Like this one incident where he accidentally escaped from his tank (He's a real runner!!). Although it only took me about a half hour of frantic search of the house to hunt him down, it was the scariest time of my life, scarier even than watching The Conjuring! When I finally hugged him close to my chest, I couldn't help but shed frightened tears, and let me tell you, I almost NEVER cry. A close inspection revealed that he was unhurt; the relief I felt at that moment is much more than when I cleared that drawing exam I was sure I would flunk.When I tell my friends cute stories about him, some of them (especially the guys) roll their eyes and look at me like I'm a crazy peron- the kind we laugh at in typical American sitcoms. So what makes us so attached to our pets? Consider turtles- pretty boring life. All they do is swim and/or sit around and poop. They don't even make any noises or show signs of emotion, like dogs or birds. Yet, I find myself, flustered, explaining the difference between a tortoise and a turle to the "lesser-initiated". I find myself attempting to interpret every little twitch of his head or scratch of his nose. I talk to him in a tone that my 'significant other' would be jealous of. I let him sleep in my bed (despite my mum's ridicule) and hell, sometimes, I even tell him bedtime stories! That's when it hits me- love doesn't only have to be between humans. It could be anything you're emotionally connected to. For instance, I feel the same way when I hug my mum as when I finish a good book- the content, the happiness and the feeling that something is truly yours and only yours. It could be as simple as that. Looks I'm getting a little carried away *embarrased giggle*. Anyway.... I've posted a few pictures of him that I thought you might like. Time to go- Bubba's lunch-time and he doesn't like to be kept waiting (He's a real keeper!)!

My experience @ 'The Grand Solitaire- Flavours', Secunderabad, Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh.

I was at 'The Grand Solitaire- Flavours' a few hours ago. The valet parking was prompt and efficient. It wasn't a crowded night, anyway. The ambience at The Grand Solitaire, right from the spacious lobby, is really good. Although, Flavours is a small place. One MAJOR qualm I have about this place is that both the vegetarian and the non-vegetarian buffets are priced at Rs. 250+taxes=Rs. 340. This is totally a rip-off for vegetarians like me because the menu doesn't justify the price, according to me. What makes everything worse is that Zomato surprisingly hasn't updated the dinner buffet (Mon-Fri) price and still shows 169+taxes.. horrible!! Anyway, we had the ala carte instead.

What was good to see was that they have a separate breakfast menu as well, maybe because The Grand Solitaire offers boarding and lodging as well.

Prices for ala carte are pretty much standard. We ordered the veg manuchurian for starters, roti and kadai paneer as the main course and topped it off with lasagna (Only Rs. 170, surprisingly!). The waiter seemed confused about the buffet menu himself and couldn't even answer the question, "What soups do you offer tonight?" Service was initially very, veryyyy slow (took 35 minutes to get the manchurian!) We were offered complimentary orange soda and papad, which was a temporary solace for my growling tummy! After the long wait, everything arrived quickly, and thankfully, the waiters got the hang of serving us and answering our questions. 

The manchurian was really good, nothing to complain about. The roti was tough and draggy (I've had much better.. sigh!) but the paneer was fresh and its gravy amazing! The lasagna was yummy- just the right amount of cheese and cooked to the optimum amount. The bill came up to Rs. 690 with taxes. 

My rating-

Food: 3.5/5

Ambience: 3.2/5 (not that great)

Service: 2.5/5 (Gah!)

Overall, the place is good enough for a decent meal after a tiresome day. Nice and small family place :)

My First Post!

Hey everyone! I'm Vidya, currently a student studying at Hyderabad.
So I learnt that one of my good friends, Sadhana, has a blog and while it was no surprise (You should see her style of writing!), I was really curious as to what it contained, because she's not really the kind who blares her opinions from the hilltops. This was how I got into the habit of reading blogs. Sadhana's blog made me realize that a blog is a great platform to just let your thoughts out and hear what people think about them. This is the link to it- http://i-me-myshelf.blogspot.in/ Your blog doesn't have to be the best looking or the most insightful- it's enough if it gives people a good laugh or gives them something to think about or smile about- that would give you the satisfaction you need. Slowly, I decided that I wanted that satisfaction, too. To voice my thoughts and just pen down things I observe in my everyday life.
What I observe is that a lot of people create blogs and somehow seem to forget about it or not post regularly enough after a few months have passed by, owing to their fast-paced, busy lives. This is why I have set for myself a rather low target, so that I can go way past it and feel happy. Who doesn't like feeling proud of themselves?!
So I realize that this is a rather random first post but I'm a newbie and still finding my way to go about blogging. I hope you like my next posts and do let me know ways I can improve. :)